but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
