I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Drake has all the answers
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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