so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
