Who wears a wallet chain?!
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
