smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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