So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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