What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
