Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
zippers are such a cool invention
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize