Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Drake has all the answers
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
