i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
