oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
