Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
