Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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