you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
