i used baking grease as lip gloss
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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