You smell like stripper and shame
she smelled like a LAN party
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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