now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
