Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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