first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
