hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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