You really coming over, don't trick.
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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