apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Is it penis luge time yet?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
