i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
accomplished twins. life is a go
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
