ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
