He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
