Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
