She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
