Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
love makes seman taste better
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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