Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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