Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
