Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
she told me i tasted like america
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
