I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
