i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
