whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
