I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
