My liver just broke up with me...
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize