no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
