are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize