i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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