we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
