Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just had sex on a roof
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
