Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
