Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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