So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
