I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
