The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize