I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
