she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
