I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
