Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
