Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
