I queefed so loud it echoed.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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