I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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