I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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