Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
