hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
