He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
