What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
