Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
