My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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