What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
