um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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