Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
