i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
