I'm going to jail i love you
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize