paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
