one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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