I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
