just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
