I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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