I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
