I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
