have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
