I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
