420 ftw
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
